Resilience

A while back I received the following private message:

“Just my humble opinion, person to person.

If you need the culture to change to heal internally, then it wouldn’t be true healing since it’s dependent on external circumstances.

I hope you find peace, but continuously writing and posting online either 1) finds supporters that back you emotionally (but this is a temporarily band aid) or 2) cause conflict which definitely won’t bring much serenity.

Take care.”

I checked the sender’s FB page and noticed photos of Pattabhi Jois, etc. Perhaps the person who sent me the message would like me to stop posting on FB because they are concerned with their peace of mind, not mine. Maybe my posts bother their conscience or cause them to worry about their business, preferably the former.

I do not need the culture to change, to heal internally. I hope the culture will change so that people don’t get hurt in the future.

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While Pattabhi Jois was on top of me, dry humping me when I was in vulnerable and extreme asana, I froze in fear and I dissociated. Whether he was aware of my reaction or not, either way, it doesn’t make for a venerable yoga teacher. He needed and deserved rehabilitation, not veneration. The denial and justifications of the AY community are not conducive to a safe learning environment right now, in the present.

Dissociation damages the nervous system. A way to heal my nervous system is to do what I could not do during the assaults: speak up. My nervous system is healing. I suffered from dysthymia for 20 years following the assaults by P Jois. After speaking up, I’m no longer depressed.

As for the other points I’d like to defer to quotes from Hannah Gadsby’s “Nanette,” which is not to be missed!

“My story has value. I tell you this because I want you to know what I know: to be rendered powerless does not destroy your humanity. Your resilience is your humanity… I will not allow my story to be destroyed. What I would have done to have heard a story like mine, not for blame, not for reputation, not for money, not for power, but to feel less alone, to feel connected. I want my story heard.” ~ Hannah Gadsby

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